Schadenfreude
by ChaoticTheory
Summary: Enjoying anothers pain is a terrible thing to do no matter how much they deserve it, but just for once the Doctor wants someone else to feel the pain he feels every moment of his life.


**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters mentioned in this story, they all belong to their rightful owners. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC.

Thanks goes to my good friend _Butterfly In A Hurricane_ for providing me with a title for this story.

Also I have checked this story many times for mistakes but if you do notice any I have missed please let me know so that I can edit it. ^-^

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**Schadenfreude **

The Doctor throws the shiny red Christmas decorations into the air, then, ignoring the cries from the Empress of the Racnoss he uses the remote control to manoeuvre them into the key positions he has picked out. The places where they will do the most damage. He hesitates for a fraction of a second; it's barely noticeable to Donna or the Empress. She will be the last of her kind again if he goes through with this and for a split moment he feels sorry for her, for he knows how it feels to be the last of your species. Everyone gone. Your friends and family, even your rivals and enemies. The moment passes. He gave her a chance. She has brought this on herself. The Doctor hits the detonate button and hears the explosions. Then the thunderous roar as water rapidly fills the tunnels.

The Empress screams for her children. Suddenly the Doctor is not under the Thames with Donna and the Racnoss Empress, he is in the TARDIS watching in horror through the open doors as a planet burn. As Gallifrey burns. He can hear the screams of his people as they burn and then regenerate until they run out of regenerations. Parents crying for their children, hoping there is a way for them to escape but knowing there is none.

The Doctor feels the tears burn tracks down his cheeks, the salty liquid feeling like the flames that are destroying his planet, his _home_. He can feel the other Time Lords' pain in his mind and his head hurts. His whole body hurts. He screams with all the other Time Lords' knowing that if by some miracle he survives this that he will be alone. So very alone. But right now he isn't alone. The screams echo in his head, a terrible melody. As well as the physical pain there is also the emotional pain. His entire family was on Gallifrey when he was forced to make that terrible choice.

His planet, his _family_ or the universe.

An explosion rocks the TARDIS and he closes his eyes not wanting to witness any more of this atrocity. He will have to live out his long life alone and knowing that he murdered his family and massacred his race. The universe had one word that summed all that up. Genocide. The long life that he had once looked forward to so much had now become a curse. The curse of the Time Lords.

The screaming had stopped now but he could still hear the echo of it in his head, as if every Time Lord that had once existed was screaming at him that he made the wrong choice.

He reopens his eyes and watches helplessly as Gallifrey continues to die and he is powerless to stop it. More explosions from the dying planet tears a gaping hole in the wall of the TARDIS and the Doctor has far to clear a view of what is happening. He thinks of all he has lost, who he has lost. Romana, his wife, his children and grand children. He felt the screams begin to fade in his head. His eyesight fades slightly with the receeding screams as if they are robbing him of his sight as a punishment; but the Doctor could feel his life fading away as well. His body was weakening, destroyed by the explosions that have also destroyed a large part of the TARDIS.

As Gallifrey's moments of life rapidly approach the end so too did the Doctor's. He gazes at Gallifrey in her final second of life. Then the largest of all the previous explosions tears the planet apart flinging matter everywhere. The force from the explosion hurled the Doctor across the main console room. The heat from the explosion burning his skin and the impact with which he hits the wall shatters his bones. He screams in pain and lies where he hit the wall. He has no energy left to fight anymore. Then he feels it, the familiar burn of regeneration energy. For once it scares him, he doesn't want to regenerate alone, what if it goes wrong, there will be no-one to help him. But it's too late now and the golden flames of regeneration are all that fills his vision.

Then the flames turn red and orange and the Doctor is confused. He can hear more screaming, but it's not the screams of the Time Lords, they belong to someone else. He blinks and opens his eyes and the scenery has changed again. He is no longer in a damaged TARDIS or in pain. Seconds later he realises where he is and that he had allowed himself to become so absorbed in his memories that anything could have happened.

He sees the destruction happening all around him but somehow it doesn't seem real, like it is all a dream, he is still stuck in the nightmare that is Gallifrey's destruction. He sees Donna and the Racnoss Empress who is still screaming for her children.

Hate and anger swells in the Doctor's hearts. For once he wants someone else to feel the pain he has felt for years. The pain of losing everything you have. Now the Empress knows how it feels. Her children are dead, the same as his people. Somebody else is feeling his pain. He watches her, can almost feel her distress and her anger at what he has done. He barely feels the water soaking his hair or notices how quickly the underground base is being flooded. All that exists is the pain deep in his hearts, which echoes inside his head. How silent his head is now, now longer filled with the mental screams of dying Time Lords.

A voice cuts through his head and awakens him from his almost trance like state. Donna. Telling him he can stop now. When he realises what he's done, enjoyed another's pain, the hate and anger leaves his hearts in an instant replaced instead by disgust. Disgust at how he could have felt that way.

Turning away from the scene he grabs Donna and runs. He keeps on running. It's the only thing he knows how to do anymore.

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So drop me a review and tell me what you think. Like it, hate it whatever. I don't mind criticism as long as it is constructive, don't bother flaming as I will just ignore it ^-^


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